Got one especially for you Bama....
Time to lighten the load here:
- Thread starter instaGATOR
- Start date
I told my daughter this story...
A man was pumping his gas at a gas station when his arm suddenly caught fire. He freaked out and ran around the parking lot wildly waving his engulfed arm around. I tackled him, put the fire out....and then handcuffed him.
Daughter..."Why did you arrest him dad?"
He was waiving around a firearm.
These are the kinds of jokes you tell at Methodist Sunday School, aren't they?
😂
😂
LOL.......Methodist church....... When I was in college myself and a couple of friends ushered and took up collection. We called collection "half time" as it was right before the sermon. Since we were back in the vestibule we'd go outside and smoke weed, then hit the church kitchen for cookies and cake. Always made it back to open the doors and help the elderly out. No rest for the wicked. 🤣
I didn't mean to single out Methodists...I'm Catholic and we just tell dirty jokes and worry about it later...😂😛
One for Gold Mom....
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right....
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right....
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language...
I made a pencil with 2 erasers,,, but it was pointless...
Sign Language...
I made a pencil with 2 erasers,,, but it was pointless...
A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker.
The steaks were high.
The steaks were high.
Diarrhea is hereditary.
It runs in your jeans.
It runs in your jeans.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it’s a soap opera.
Then it’s a soap opera.
I walked in on my son and he was masturbating. I reminded him, “son, doing that too much can make you go blind.”
He replied, “I’m over here, dad.”
He replied, “I’m over here, dad.”
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Man walks into the bar and orders 5 shots. The bartender says, "coming right up....but what are you celebrating?"
The man responds, "my first BJ."
The bartender says, "in that case, the 6th one is on me."
The man tells him, "if 5 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, the 6th one won't help either."
The man responds, "my first BJ."
The bartender says, "in that case, the 6th one is on me."
The man tells him, "if 5 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, the 6th one won't help either."
One for Sunburnt.... (and maybe GM, as this ain't a Methodist Sunday School joke)
An Indian walks into a bar with a paper sack of cow-chips and a cat.
The throws the bag into the air and then shoots it one-handed with a sawed off shotgun, making the cat jump out of his other arm and run around the room. As the Indian took off after the cat the bartender shouted at him, 'What the hell are you doing????
The Indian calmly replies: I just came in here to shoot the shit and chase the pussy..... 😁
An Indian walks into a bar with a paper sack of cow-chips and a cat.
The throws the bag into the air and then shoots it one-handed with a sawed off shotgun, making the cat jump out of his other arm and run around the room. As the Indian took off after the cat the bartender shouted at him, 'What the hell are you doing????
The Indian calmly replies: I just came in here to shoot the shit and chase the pussy..... 😁
How do YOU know? 🤣
Back when me and the slowest would chalk it up, he accidentally sent me a DM of him and MDF taking turns pulling meat out their fridges. Things got weird after that, I had to take a break for a while.
And now,,,,, back to the Dad jokes....
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket…
You can hide but you can’t run. 😁
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket…
You can hide but you can’t run. 😁
I didn't know Joe Biden was an alien.
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?" "In case they get a hole in one!"
What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?" "They're both Paris sites."
I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along
What di the ocean say to the beach? Nothing is just waved.
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine
An old man was diagnosed with Furniture Disease. His chest fell into his drawers.
I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an I-Witness?
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an I-Witness?
What do you get when you cross a Yeti with a vampire?
FROST BITE....
What do you get with a Yeti in a ho-house?
Himalayan.... 😁
FROST BITE....
What do you get with a Yeti in a ho-house?
Himalayan.... 😁
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
It’s not good to spread rumors.
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
It’s not good to spread rumors.
Two dads are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.
The 3 unwritten rules of life…
1.
2.
3.
It's okay to groan now....
The 3 unwritten rules of life…
1.
2.
3.
It's okay to groan now....
Dad asked why witches don't wear underwear?
I responded; because it improves their grip.... 😲
I responded; because it improves their grip.... 😲
What do you say to a Frenchman urinating in a Paris street?
Hey, European!
Hey, European!
